There is no good way to share sad news, so I’m just going to blurt it out. Justine and I have split up. There it is—that’s the message behind this whole post, and I will not think any less of you if you decide not to read further.
Simply put, this really sucks for everyone. The break-up feels tragic, unreal, and impossible to overcome. Nothing in my life has ever prepared me for what I would call my first grown up heartbreak. Luckily, I’ve had four weeks to be a complete mess, before deciding to speak publicly about it i.e., make this Facebook official.
Still reading? Then this letter is written for you, our people, whom we love so much, or are somehow attached to our lives digitally. I’m writing this publicly in an attempt to fill you in, spare us some explanations, and mostly because I think writing about it will help me process what’s going on.
In the meantime, here’s the digest:
- It is real – a deposit has been paid for her new apartment (UGH.) (I hate this.)
- I have tried everything possible to try to make things work, while she has been really clear she does not want that. she is dating someone new, whom I assume is not a bad guy.
- I am not mad, but I am very sad.
- I am aware there are things I could have done differently, (this is what happened,) but I’m exhausted from playing the “what if” game.
- I am somewhere in-between complete denial and total acceptance. I am still hoping we end up back together at some point, and think its okay to hang on to a little hope, but am also aware the odds don’t look great.
- We both still really care about each other, are seeing a therapist, and hope to be in each other’s lives in some way down the road.
- This has potential to be the first break up that I was actually present for, did not burn down the rest of my life, have to demonize my ex to cope, or be issued a restraining order. Progress not perfection.
With Justine’s permission, I’ll be recording and observing the grieving process, trying to make sense of what happened, and hopefully document one of the most influential moments of my life. I’ve set up a blog on Hellohumans.co that I’m calling “The End of the World (Part 1.)” I invite you to read it, share it with anyone who would might FIND it helpful or interesting, but most importantly I would love some help. If you know anyone who has survived the end of their world in any form, and risen from the ashes even stronger and more fully alive, I’d love to connect, get advise, inspiration, and share what helped get them through it.
Please email me at [email protected]